Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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