i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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