Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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