we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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