where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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