you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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