I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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