we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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