My friends, they love my intelligence
I look better un-naked...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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