How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize