I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize