she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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