this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize