well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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