i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize