dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize