If you die in college, do you die in real life?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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