So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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