I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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