the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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