Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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