I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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