Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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