Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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