You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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