just survived the first fart of the relationship.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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