love makes seman taste better
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize