Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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