They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize