Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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