well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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