I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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