Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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