I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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