you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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