My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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