Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize