thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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