Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This house was built for laser tag.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What drink are we having for lunch?
We left the knife in your bed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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