i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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