I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize