did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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