What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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