tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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