I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize