mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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