i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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