Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize