I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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