Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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